Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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