just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
