Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have already put on my inside pants.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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