ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think I died a long time ago.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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