There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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