I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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