are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize