I skipped work to stalk him.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You ruined the universe
Randomize
