I smell stomach acid.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
