I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
