So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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