We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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