dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
