I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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