FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
