mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize