and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
