someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
