apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
