woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
