whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
