There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Can I color on your dick again?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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