Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
