Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
