I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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