I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
