As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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