Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
