Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
