Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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