We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
