totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
