Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
