**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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