I'm gonna have a badass scar
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
