you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm always down for nudity.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
