oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
