just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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