My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
