the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
