I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize