This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
