i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
