I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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