toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
