Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
