He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
