Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
honey bunches of taint.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
