this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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