The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
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