awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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