I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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