I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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