i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i barfeds in our rink
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Are we still banned from the library?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
