It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
