just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
