youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
