I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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