If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
