you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
