How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize