You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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