it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize