His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
