JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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