It's like God shit irony all over that family
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
