She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
