I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
